I saw her in my dreams.

At night time, my daughter and I would say our prayers. And right before we'd sleep we'd say "Lord, make us dream of Ninang Karen tonight. please tell us how she's doing in heaven". And then we'd ask each other the next morning if we saw her in our dreams. Tara didn't dream of her yet.

I finally dreamed of her the other night.

In my dream, my husband died and I was looking for him. Then I saw Karen standing by the gate of our Lolo's old house in San Juan. She was very pretty as she usually was. I asked her, "Diba patay ka na Karen?". She laughed at me. I held her face in my hands and then I held her arms. I do not remember what she said in my dream, but I remember clearly that she was laughing, she was laughing at my questions and my reaction to her. It felt like a long a dream, like we talked about many things, but you know how dreams are..you really don't remember everything when you wake up. I remember her saying "maging mabait ka kung gusto mong magkita tayo sa langit"..in her usual matter-of-fact tone. She also said that Joel is alive and I better look for him. To which I replied, "Then this must be a dream and since this is a dream, it's going to end soon. So give me a hug now." She laughed again. and gave me a big, long hug. She then showed me her arm, where something was written in what seemed like eyeliner (weird!). There were some words that I cannot remember. The last phrase though is still vivid in my mind..."We will meet again."

The dream felt so real..she was so alive! When i woke up, for a few seconds there i thought that Karen was actually alive. Then the realization that she is dead hit me. It hit me so hard I broke down in tears. As time passes by I begin to adjust more and more to my life without her. And though I will never forget all the memories of her, I begin to go forget how it actually felt to have her around, to talk to her and see her laugh. The dream seemed to have brought me back to that feeling, how it felt months ago when she was alive and strong and happy.

I never believed that dreams mean anything real or significant. But this dream is different. Because this is something that I choose to believe. There would be no other way for Karen to give me a hug now..only in my dreams. And if this is what God is giving me to help me answer my questions, or if this is a mother's day gift for me, because there is nothing I would like more than one conversation and one hug from Karen, then Thank you Lord! Thank you for giving me what I need.