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Saturday, June 14, 2008

Half empty

It used to be half full. Now it is half empty. It was a sudden change in perspective. It was because of everything I've been through this past year.I had thought I was made of "thicker fiber". I am disappointed at myself that I have not picked myself up yet. It just has been personally challenging the past year or so. Last year was marked by my search to find goals or passions in life. And just when everything seemed to be falling into place, Karen said goodbye. And I felt like I have been emotionally just stuck there, in that sadness. I don't want to go downhill. I don't even want to think that I'm going that way. It's just really so difficult.

I used to think that I have a VIP life. That the "universe conspires" to make me happy. That Life is beautiful and prayers are always answered. I may be having a test of faith and I could be failing... I don't know.


I bare myself in this post. I bare my feelings to those who read this...

To my friends who care a lot about me and want to know how I am coping......I know that i will get over this. This is just a phase.

To my family and Karen's friends who share the same loss...I feel easier when I talk about my feelings. I am able to deal with it more. You all know I did not cry that much. I guess this is my therapy. We all try to cope in our own ways.

To those who have stumbled upon this blog and are able to relate to it because of their own experiences.....you probably understand me well and those who have left comments in the past have assured me that I too, will be fine in time.

To acquaintances who really do not know me that much but are curious as to what I'd have to say.....these are the challenges I face. I have heartaches too just like everyone else.


Thanks for reading.




1 comments:

the ULTIMATE SHOPPER said...

u know how people say: i know how u feel??! well to be honest i really do... and i was crying while reading your post.. its been a year since i lost one of my college bestfriends.. the way she died was so quick that i was in shock for days.. and to be far from her really sucks.. she's only 23, had a baby girl who's just 10 months old that time and she's only been married for a year.. and the last time i saw here was april 2007 a month before she died.. the pain will not just quickly disappear, but the only thing that me and my friends are holding onto right now is thinking that she had lived the life she wanted and in a short time lived it to the fullest.. and yeah, she visits me in my dreams and sometimes i snap out of nowhere and wanted to cry.. so i wish u all the best.. it made me realize how short life is and to treasure every moment.. and i think that's what your angel in heaven would want you to do...